Applause for the Wallflower

Yesterday was the last day of band camp and our first performance for the parents and friends and all that... Monday night was the first bit of contact I'd gotten from him in a couple days. It was nice to hear him again and be able to talk to him. I don't really know what to say, to be totally honest. All week, I'd been asking him if he wanted to come to the Preview yesterday and he'd just say he's think about it. So yesterday, all I could think about was whether or not he'd come. I admit, I kind of figured he would, but there was still that piece of me that didn't think he would be able to. Right before we started, I kept looking around, searching the crowd for his face, a shirt of his I'd seen him wear before, something...but nothing. I'd already seen his mom and dad, my mom, and his sister, but I couldn't find the one person I'd wanted to see most. When it was over, we got in a huddle on the 50 around Rivero and I looked over to the right side of the field and there he was... Thrill washed over me and when Rivero told us to head to the band hallway for dismissal, I headed straight for where I figured he would have been. It was the first time I'd seen him in over a week and my god, it felt good to hug him again...to talk to him face-to-face. I knew I missed him, but I don't think I could have summed it up quite enough. We went out to dinner and talked, and it felt just like how it used to be.

To be totally honest, I feel like we do a lot of the same things we used to, between falling asleep together on the phone and texting all day, spending time with each other last we did last night, and all that jazz...I just don't understand why we are the way we are. I guess there's not avoiding it anymore...he just doesn't think we're meant to be. There's no way of going around it, no matter how many times I try to convince myself that someday he'll see we're perfect. Maybe that's all this is about...we're not meant to be. The end. But that's never the end of the story. I've thought about this a lot...but if we're still this close in the future, how will either of us have time for any other relationship? I wouldn't want to fall asleep to the sound of another snore and I wouldn't want to text only one person every day that isn't him. But if we're not meant to be, this could be a potentially harmful situation. I guess things will smoothe themselves over on their own...no use in trying to force it for now.