Applause for the Wallflower

The fact of the matter is that I really hate when people find out I'm single. I always feel bad when I say things like this because it sounds like I'm bragging, or like I think I've got every guy begging to be with me. That's not what I'm saying at all. I just hate having all that sort of attention when all I crave is the attention of one person. Last night, someone I've known only since my freshman year decided to message me and confess to me the fact that he's had a crush on me since we've met. I mean, it's flattering, but I dunno. It's like "Oh my god, it's THIS all over again." He's saying to me almost word for word what Myles used to, about being ready for commitment, something real...tired of being played, wanting someone to love. I wonder how many times I'll fall for that line. I mean when Myles first tried picking me up with all that, it totally worked. I was head over heels before I even knew it. What if I were here then? Would it have worked? Dennis is a nice guy...and I mean he's really trying. But how do I even know he's really in it for the right reasons. But I guess when it comes down to it, my future isn't set. It's still way too early to be counting on anything from anyone.

I also got a text last night from a friend I've known for a long time. There's always been history between us. I remember in first grade, I told myself that one day, he'd be my boyfriend. *sigh* Oh how those days were so uncomplicated. Anyway, so I'd like to say maybe a year or so ago, we kind of had this agreement that if either of us ever needed it, we could come to each other for a hook-up. So anyway, he texted me last night at like 2 in the morning about it... Not gonna lie...the boy's gorgeous. But when I think about it, would I ever actually do it? I dunno... It's nice knowing people find me attractive in that sense, but it's almost as if I'm still not good enough to be called "the girlfriend" or to be that person that someone else needs... I dunno... I won't dwell. It makes things a lot worse than they seem when I'm not thinking about it.