Applause for the Wallflower

I was thinking today about the people in my life. It's funny how I think I can truly depend on two or three people to help me out when I'm honestly in a predicament that's detrimental to my sanity. A friend of mine, Josh, was telling me about how he's helped out so many people, but when they turn around and see him emotionally distressed, they wouldn't lift a finger to help. And that made me think about all the girls in the color guard. Recently, a friend of mine who's been there for me since my freshman year, someone I've grown pretty close with, at least in my standards lol, has taken this really...contemptuous tone with me. I mean I can assume it's probably about her boyfriend (before they started dating, I hooked up with him not knowing she had a crush on him) and although she pretty much forgave me for that, even though there was really nothing to forgive considering the fact that I genuinely had no idea she had a crush on him (because I'm mildly stupid and can't figure out left from right (I still use my fingers, not gonna lie)), I still think she holds a bit of resentment for me and can't really help it. I mean, I totally understand if that's the case, you know? I guess I'd be the same way if I were put in her position, like if a chick from the guard hooked up with Myles before he and I started dating. I'd probably be much worse with the whole resentment factor, but still.

I don't know, just the things she says to me. Like Monday for example. The first thing she tells me besides "Hey," at lunch was "Oh, so the Army Band's deploying to Iraq so Dillon's not joining." I asked how they knew they were going to Iraq and all the general questions you'd ask someone if they were to tell you before your own boyfriend could that he was leaving to go off into a war zone...you know, the typical. HONESTLY. Who in God's name would do that?? Let's think about it for maybe two seconds...one.two. Uhm, no one unless you really want to just be a totally insensitive prick! Not that I'm saying she's an insensitive prick lol. She's not...I just don't think she realized how sensitive of a topic it was. So obviously I said something about Dillon being too much of a pussy to fight in a war (as if they'd even do any real "fighting" anyway) and that if given the chance, I'd do it myself. "Then why don't you join the Army, huh?" "Maybe I will. Good benefits and a great opportunity. I'd serve my country." "Well, I wouldn't. Not this government..." Blah blah blah. And then a similar situation occurred the next day about Homecoming. It's just like "What the fuck man, can you just leave me alone? Must you always try and bring me down?" The whole situation is that our school isn't allowing anyone outside of our student body to attend our Homecoming this year and because Myles doesn't go to school with us, or at all, he won't be allowed to go. But I was thinking about it today and it's the same situation with Jeni, another friend of ours. She won't be able to bring her boyfriend to Homecoming either, but Sara would have never mentioned it to her so contemptuously. I don't really know what to make of it. It really bothers me that it seems like all she wants to do is bring me down, but at the same time, I don't want to confront her about it either because if I do, it might be detrimental to our "friendship." I dunno...we'll see what happens. I guess I'll just keep it to myself for now. It's not like there's really much I can do. That is, of course, assuming she doesn't keep throwing shit in my face. Then I'll react. But for now, it is what it is.