Applause for the Wallflower

So I'm supposed to be scoping out interesting topics that I've written about through the years on this blog, but the more I think about it, I can't think of anything other than my love life that's been chronicled on the pages of this blog. In any case, I've come to the conclusion that my entrance essay for this NCTE High School Juniors writing award madohickey is probably going to be on something as juvenile and cliche as my understanding of love. How sad is that? I mean when you think about it, love is pretty much a basic concept that everyone understands. And you always think you're so intelligent for putting words to a concept so abstract as love, but the reality of it is that everyone understands what its supposed to be, and there can only be so much to say about it. Now thinking about it, however, I think I might be able to take another emotion, though still a bit cliche, I could still use it as it's not as talked about as Love is. In which case, Jealousy, an emotion I'm quite familiar with, would be the perfect prop to use in my essay... Let me sit on this one and think about some things I could write about...

So speaking of jealousy...I meant to write about something about a month or two pertaining to subject matter that does not affect me immediately. But the fact of the matter is that the more I think about it, the more it makes me a little crazy inside. Ever since I'd first met Myles, we were both aware that we were..."used goods." I hate to put it that way, but the fact of the matter was that literally and metaphorically, we were. I met him and told him about the most...well, effective event in my life, and being dumb and curious, I'd asked him about his experiences and his life. In essence, we were both wildly aware of how much left there wasn't. But there is one girl...one that he'd persued before he knew me and now resents. There's something about her that I can't quite put my finger on. I guess it's just my subconcious longing to not be where I am, my want to, as adolescent as it sounds, be out of high school and get on with my life. But something about this one particular girl, ever since he'd mentioned her, has struck a cord in me and I was never quite able to erase the thought from my mind. So about a month or two ago, we happened to be talking about something, his experiences with the FIU Marching Band maybe? and he told me how different the trips were my high school band trips, obviously. He'd mentioned how all they did was get into their rooms and drink and that no one ever ended up staying in the rooms they were assigned to, hitherto he ended up sleeping with this girl once on an overnight trip. Mind you, he said he'd never meant to hide it from me, that he wasn't trying to keep it a secret, but this was the first time I'd heard about it. Not that it changed anything, but before that point, I just thought this was a girl that he'd persued and had scorned him; I didn't think there was any sort of physical intimacy behind it. Truth be told, I'd never really had a problem knowing that he'd been with other girls only because I never really knew what any of them looked like, but this one, I do. I mean, it's a great thing I don't know her personally, but he's shown me pictures of her before. Sometimes I wonder what her personality is like...I wonder if given the chance, or maybe not given the currect circumstances, would we have been compatible friends. Probably not...oh well...

On another note, it's Saturday. Another rehearsal to prepare us for Friends and Family Night this Friday and Premier Night in 7 days! I can't believe its so close, but it still doesn't feel like it... We've got less than 45 seconds of the show left till the flag feature, drill we've already cemented (though spots are always subject to change, unfortunately), and where we stop the show during run-throughs doesn't run me dry half as much as it did when we first started the year off. I'm so excited, and yet I can't seem to fathom what it will feel like to have the show completed. I remember coming off the floor after Friends and Family Night last year crying my eyes out, being so proud of everyone, but mostly proud of myself. This year, I know it will be different. With so many new members, so many new faces, all these girls that will surely pull off an amazing performance this Friday will shock me, and they will be my pride and joy when I step off the floor, not myself. No matter what happens this season, anything will be an accomplishment, and nothing will change the fact that we will go from nothing to something to be talked about in a few short months. I'm so lucky to be a part of this group...