Applause for the Wallflower

Sometimes I draw inspiration to write from various instruments of expression that seem to present themselves in my life. I've been at home a lot recently (duuh, it's summer break!) and I heard this song through a commercial on television--Wakin' Up To Love by Shanna Crooks. It defines everything that I've been experiencing. I don't know how else to express this, but man I don't think I've felt like this in a long time. I came home last night from my date with Myles (yeah, we've been dating for a little while now and we still schedule dates with each other...haha) and god, I just couldn't stop smiling. This whole summer, I think now that we, or I, have the time to slow down, our relationship can be more easily broken down and observed--all the things that need to be tweeked, the things that need to be kept the same. It's always great to go back to my old entries about how everything felt when we first met, all the way to that one month hiatus we took, just to see how much our relationship has evolved since we've been together. So much of ourselves have changed, and so much has evolved, but so little in our feelings and the way we communicate has. I still wake up every morning scrambling for my phone to make sure he's still there, I still get those phone calls at 8:55AM from him to let me know he's walking into work, I still get random "I love you," texts, he still tells me I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, and we both still love each other, even after the fire fades. Of course, that's not to say it has. But I'll tell you this: one of the best conversations we've shared in a really long time was not about our passionate evenings or how to reach intimate levels with one another, it was about the fact that no matter what happened in our lives, we would still be best friends. Sometimes, I can't lie, it scares me to think that Myles is my best friend, but it makes everything about him so much more enjoyable, that I'm so comfortable with him that I can freely speak about my period, or picking my nose, or farting, or how pooping feels. God we're a weird couple, but there are some married couples who struggle to share these parts of their lives with their spouses. Though I would never call myself an extroverted person, he makes me feel like there is absolutely no shame in being human. And aside from all my disgusting bodily functions, I'm able to tell him my deepest, darkest secret...quite literally. Its something I was never even able to muster the strength up to tell Carlos or Winona out of fear of embarrassment, but somehow, he makes me so comfortable, I'm able to confide in him the hardest thing for me to cope with.

He's changed me in so many ways. As much as I used to do for Carlos, I didn't do nearly half as much as I know I try to attempt for Myles. I want to make him happy. I want to comfort him. I want to pamper him and make sure he knows that I've done my absolute best to take care of him. He's been so good to me. Sometimes I don't know how he puts up with me, but it's all give and take. I put up with a lot of him, and he does the same for me. We love each other and I'm so glad that I can trust that no matter what, I've put my trust into something profound, an investment that won't come back to bite me in the ass. And frankly, it means a lot to me that I can spend an entire day with him and still be just as in love with him as the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that. And by the time the 'rest of our lives' decide to roll around, we'll both be so filled with love, we may burst. That's my ultimate goal, you know...to die due to an overdose of love.